Your relationship resource library from The Hills Love Doctors at Hills Couples Counselling

Skin hunger, also known as touch hunger or affectional deprivation, is a biological need for human touch that remains unmet. Much like actual hunger signals a need for food, skin hunger is the brain’s way of telling you that you are socially and physically undernourished. Here is a breakdown of why it happens and how it affects us: The Science of Touch When we experience skin-to-skin contact, the body releases oxytocin (often called the "cuddle hormone"). This chemical promotes feelings of trust, relaxation, and bonding. Simultaneously, physical touch lowers cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and slows down the heart rate. Without this regular input, the nervous system can remain in a heightened state of "fight or flight," making it harder to regulate emotions or recover from stress. Common Signs of Skin Hunger It doesn’t always manifest as a literal longing for a hug. Sometimes it shows up as: Increased Anxiety or Depression: A persistent feeling of low mood or restlessness. Lonelin

Explaining how Imago Therapy Works for Couples by James Childs, Sydney's Specialist Relationship Counsellor. Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a form of relationship counselling that focuses on transforming conflict into an opportunity for healing and growth. Developed by Dr Harville Hendrix and Dr Helen LaKelly Hunt in the 1980s, the premise is rooted in the idea that our childhood experiences shape our adult romantic attractions. The core components of the therapy include: 1. The "Imago" (The Image) The term "Imago" is Latin for "image." According to this theory, everyone carries an unconscious blueprint of "familiar love." This blueprint is constructed from both the positive and negative traits of our primary caregivers. We are often unconsciously drawn to partners who mirror these traits because our psyche is seeking an opportunity to "finish" or heal unresolved wounds from childhood. 2. The Purpose of Conflict In Imago therapy, conflict is not seen as a sign that a couple is "wr

Showing Gratitude to Enhance Intimacy 1. Show interest in your partner's life. Use active listening skills by making eye contact, nodding your head, and offering acknowledgement, all while demonstrating that you are listening. Try paraphrasing what your partner says. (Repeat it back to them as you understand it.) Try to imagine what their day has been like and the challenges you both may have come up against. Show understanding and empathy. Be willing to talk about the day to day events, without considering them to be boring or without meaning. If it meant something to a partner or was an important part of their day or week, it's worth understanding why it was significant and what impact it may have had on your partner. 2. Help your partner to relax. If your partner is stressed, give them a relaxing evening. Suggest a bath, or better still, draw a bath for them. Light some candles or perhaps burn some essential oils to add calm throughout the house. Offer a massage or backrub without t

Why did it happen? Why did my partner cheat? The WHY of Affairs 7 Types of Betrayal Explained. All Affairs have a significant impact on relationships, whether the Affair was intentional or an 'Accidental Affair' bears little relevance. The shock, embarrassment and disbelief all feel like you've been stabbed through the heart with a red hot poker. For some people, they may have had a feeling or an inkling that something wasn't quite right in the relationship; for others, the reality of an affair comes as a complete shock, seemingly out of the blue. Along with the harsh reality that a person you love has betrayed you, there's always the ever-present WHY? Why do people have affairs? You may be surprised to know that there are 7 different yet identifiable types of affairs. These are: The Accidental Affair Also known as the One Night Stand. This type of Affair is not a pre-planned event. On most occasions, this Affair takes place by chance and circumstance. In fact, most people who fall int

Infidelity counselling is a specialised, high-intensity form of therapy designed to handle "betrayal trauma." It is much more structured than general marriage counselling because the emotions involved—rage, devastation, and shame are often too volatile for a standard general session. Most experts, including us, here at Hills Couples Counselling, may use the Gottman Method, which will break the process down into three distinct phases: Atonement Attunement Attachment Phase 1: Atonement (The Crisis Phase) This is the "triage" stage. The goal isn't to fix the marriage yet; it's to stop the bleeding and counsel the couple. The "No Contact" Rule: The therapist will usually require that the affair has completely ended and all contact with the third party is severed before work begins. We will not work with a client who is still communicating with the third party. Radical Transparency: To lower the hyper vigilance of the betrayed partner, the "involved" partner often agrees to give full access

For some of us, there appears to be a pattern or habit of attracting the wrong partner. Despite our best attempts and a process of qualification, often, we still get it wrong. Here's a list of tips to help you make a clear and healthy decision regarding your partner of choice. Hills Couples Counselling Top Tips for selecting a partner. Focus on what you need in a relationship vs. who you need. Note your red flags and don't compromise because you feel lonely. Take time to heal and date yourself for a while, come back to your true essence and reclaim your solo identity. Prioritise how you want to feel instead of how you don't want to feel. Make a list of all that you learned about yourself in the past relationship. Understand and accept that connection can take time. If your 'gut' is saying it doesn't fit, don't force it. If you have to beg for attention and connection, it is NOT going to work. Don't disqualify a potential partner based on your 'type', sometimes the most unusual or diff